Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
