Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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