My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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