It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
