So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
