That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
