id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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