So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
