What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
