I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize