I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
There's always time for handjobs
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
