I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
