God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
