Screwed.edu
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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