I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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