i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
