This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When are your genitals available?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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