Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
