are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
