dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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