one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
