btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Gay?
German.
Pity.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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