If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
