they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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