Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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