I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
