I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
