best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
