So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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