you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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