I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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