Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize