Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
