Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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