We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
