dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
