my phone needs a breathalizer
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
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