So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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