His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
We left an ass print on the piano.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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