Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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