Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
