I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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