You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize