I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Is it penis luge time yet?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
