I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
