He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
