Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
