Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
