I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Randomize
