it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
