Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
