bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
