epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Is Oprah even human
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
