i just wanna soil my oats bro
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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