watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
