i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
