Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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