You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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