I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
