do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
