I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
