i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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