thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
