Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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