chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
